


Five-0: IT consultancy and more

by gothikmaus



Category: Hawaii Five-0 (2010)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Office, Gen, Humor
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-05-04
Updated: 2014-05-04
Packaged: 2018-01-21 22:02:39
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 947
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1565585
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/gothikmaus/pseuds/gothikmaus
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Just another day in the office for the Five-0 Consultancy team</p>
            </blockquote>





	Five-0: IT consultancy and more

**Author's Note:**

> Written for the ["Damn, Your Fandom Is Good At What You Do" Fest](http://leupagus.livejournal.com/99028.html), where authors had to set the characters of a fandom in their workplace or field of expertise. 
> 
> Originally written and posted on LiveJournal in October 2011.

"Danny, you've got to read this!"

"What?" Danny asked around a mouthful of malasada. He still hated that ridiculous island, but he had to admit the baked goods were amazing.

"Just got an email from Smith, it's about the price list report again. This is going straight to the Wall of Shame," Steve said as he stood up to retrieve the printout and handed it to Danny. "Here."

Danny took the sheet of paper and began to read. He was about to take another bite but his hand stopped midair, mouth hanging open and eyes growing wide.

"He wants the report to ' _read colors_ '? He does know this is just a database management software, right? Not an almighty divine entity?"

"At this point, I'm beginning to doubt it." Steve sighed and took the sheet back, adding it to the dozens of other printouts already pinned to the wall. He looked at them and shook his head.

He had just sat down when Chin and Kono walked in.

"Yo, guys, how did the presentation go?" Danny asked before finishing off what was left of his malasada in one single bite.

"Very well. If you ignore the dump," Kono replied placing her laptop on her desk.

Steve frowned at her. "What dump?"

"Someone asked what would happen if they tried to update the price list using the wrong file," Chin said. "We explained that the program checks the file format before it actually updates the database. Too bad I forgot we haven't added that part to the code yet, so when I tried to upload an incorrect file..."

"Ouch."

"Yeah. Luckily Kono provided an explanation for that."

"What bullshit did she come up with this time?"

"I told them it was a bug we already knew about and that it was actually a very good thing the problem came up during the presentation, we had been looking forward to it."

Danny snorted. "Did they buy it?"

Kono grinned. "Of course."

"And you missed her conversation with Smith."

"He was there too?"

"Yeah, sitting at the very back or the room. He played with his iPhone the whole time."

"At the end of the meeting he came up to us and asked for a recap, because of course he hadn't listened to a single word we said. And then he complained about the new invoice printing report."

"What? I did that report and it's flawless," Danny pointed out indignantly.

"I know. But he said, and I'm quoting him here, that he has to 'click too many buttons'."

Danny stared at him. "You're kidding, right?"

"I wish, brah. I wish."

"He just has to select the invoices he wants to print, choose the print format and confirm. That's three clicks. Three. Tres. Drei. What does he want, a single screen with a big, fat button saying 'PRINT ME' and then the program will read his mind and magically know what to do?"

"He sort of said something like that, yeah."

Danny looked appalled.

"And then Kono asked him if he'd like a program that makes coffee too."

"He actually said 'Oh, can you do that?' I wanted to smash his head against the wall."

Steve rubbed a hand over his face. "Well, at least it's Friday."

"Thank God for small favors," Kono muttered, fingers tapping away on the keyboard.

"Hey, did you hear about Wo Fat?" Chin asked as he checked his email.

"What? What did he do this time?"

"He screwed up big time, brah. Remember the Jameson project? The go-live was scheduled for the end of the month, but it looks like he won't be able to make it on time and will have to pay one hell of a penalty."

"Serves him right," Danny commented, absently brushing crumbs off his tie. "He makes his consultants stay in the office until after 8 PM even if they have nothing to do just to make a good impression on the client, but he won't hire a few extra developers when he really needs them?"

"Yeah. Do you remember Weston?" Kono said, eyes fixed on the screen. "She used to work for him, once she left at 6:30 because she had to go to the dentist and he actually had the nerve to say 'Oh, you're taking a half day off?' Asshole."

"Wait, she's not working there anymore?"

"No, one day she just told him to fuck off, resigned and went on a trip around the world. She was supposed to get married the next day, but she found out her fiancé was cheating on her. With the best man."

Steve opened his mouth as if to say something, then thought better of it.

"Anyway, did I tell you I found smilies in the standard code yesterday? Smilies! I'd been debugging non-stop for half an hour and was about to claw my eyes out, then I got to this function I'd never seen before and what do I find buried deep inside a monster select-endselect? Smilies! Look, I made screencaps!"

Steve smiled. "Guess those developers working 30 hours a day in a dungeon in Walldorf have a heart too, huh?"

"I'm sure one day we'll find a desperate cry for help among the comment lines."

"Hey, I have an idea for Smith's report!" Danny said raising his hand. "Can I add a nice pop-up window that says 'SCHMUCK' when he launches the prints?"

"As gratifying as that sounds, I'd really like to keep this client."

"When did you turn into such a spoilsport, McGarrett?"

"When I made it to project manager. Now get back to work and, if you're good, I may even let you drive on the way home."


End file.
